23 August, 2012
I can be so uptight sometimes. So focused on doing, finishing, achieving. Maybe it's because I was always considered the 'smart one'. There were expectations. But were they coming from others or myself? A little of both I suspect.
Lately, I feel like I have been perfecting the art of letting go. Not to the point of becoming a jobless, homeless slob obviously. I know certain things matter. But I also realise the things that don't and it's like I've released a pressure valve. Let out a deep sigh from within my very core.
And I feel lighter. I feel fantastic for it actually.
Sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself and bite off more than I can chew. Or, sure, with a lot of mastication I might be able to force it down but it rips my throat with it as I try to swallow. And it's certainly not a pleasant experience, even if it was my favourite meal.
So now I'm taking things slower, cutting things down to bite sized little pieces. Letting things go.
It seems silly in retrospect, the way I let such inconsequential things build up to some kind of issue in my mind. Like the photo a day challenge for instance, it's just a bit of fun but once I started I felt like I HAD to keep going. Catch up. Post something for the day. And between juggling my full time job, the blog, magazine contributions, family and social commitments among everything else, it just felt like another thing to the add to the endless list that was stretching before me.
How lame does that seem!? Haha Isn't it funny the way we internalise things and build them up into stressors and expectations on ourselves when in reality no one has even noticed that you stopped the photo a day challenge half way through the month!
It's good. I'm reminding myself of what my priorities are. My wellbeing is always first and foremost. Which is why I've made peace with letting things go, not posting as often and not feeling guilty for skipping a day here and there.
I'm done with that wagon with the rickety wheel, threatening to topple over at the slightest bump in the road. I'm on my trusty mule with a Mexican blanket and a steady gait and we're climbing the canyon at our own pace but at least I know we'll make it to the top.
As a side note, how many different metaphors can a girl use!?