31 August, 2011

Wow - The Fight

For this Write on Wednesdays we were given the key words ‘The Fight’ with the instructions to write a story from our life. It has to be 100% true but not necessarily 100% of the truth.

Write On Wednesdays

To be honest I much prefer to write fiction tinged with the truth rather than a 100% true story, particularly about my own life. It’s a little bit scary opening up like this but I guess it’s probably good for me and good for the blog. I did actually enjoy writing this piece although it is a little darker than I normally like to keep things around here.

Here goes…

There is this voice in my head that I constantly have to fight. Fight to keep it from drowning out my positive thoughts. Fight to keep it from making me do stupid, bad things. Fight to keep it from making me feel insecure, inadequate.

This voice whispers to me my deepest darkest fears. That I am not good enough. That I am fat. That they are laughing at me. That I am not worthy of being loved.

It starts as a low murmur in the back of my brain. I have become quite good at fighting it back, telling it in a voice louder than its own that it is wrong and that I can prove it.

But sometimes I don’t notice it murmuring in the background until it is too late. Before I realise what it is doing and begin to try and fight it, it works its way into my head. Like a weed in my soul, it’s tendril-like roots curl around my nerves until it feels like it is strangling me.

It puts these ideas in my head, makes me want to do things that could only be a mistake. Makes me struggle to fully trust people, even those who’ve never given me a reason not to.

But I fight it. I will always fight it. There was a time that I let it win, but never again. There are days when fighting it is really hard. When I just want to give in.

But I will fight it. And I will keep winning.

I know it’s a little bit unspecific, but I preferred to keep it that way allowing the ‘not necessarily 100% of the truth’ line as my get out of jail free card.

It’s a glimpse into my mind, good and bad. I hope you enjoyed reading it and it wasn’t too deep or dark for you.

Until next week my friends.

35 comments (+add yours?)

Mz Vicki said...

Thanks for sharing something so personal. I can totally relate to that bastard voice.

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Mz Vicki, I think we all can - it's a natural part of the human condition. It's all just about learning to deal with it and drown it out with what I like to call 'proof' - all the reasons that the voice is wrong. We all have plenty of 'proof' we just have to look for it :)

Mrs BC said...

I have some experience with that voice, for it whispers it's insidious nastiness into other minds as well; so I know how brave you are to write that. Well done, & beautifully written.

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Mrs BC :) It was strange, but writing those things down actually felt quite good, empowering. It was like I had relinquished the power I was giving them, seeing them written down on paper gave me back control and I could look at them and think 'bah, you don't scare me you're just words' not the feeling that I expected but pleasantly surprising :)

InkPaperPen said...

You are brave. I could completely relate to your post. I am finding as I read each WoW piece this evening that many of us went to a darker place this week. We have all opened up our souls a little and it feels liberating. To write this way but also to read everyone's posts. I loved the "weed in your soul". This is exactly how such thoughts feel, perfect description. I hope you enjoyed the exercise and congratulate you on sharing such truth with us

Finding a skinnier me said...

Ah the voice, sometimes I wish it would just shut up. Great job on being brave and writing a darker piece.

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Gill, I actually enjoyed the exercise quite alot - far more than I expected in sharing these thoughts. Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your kind words and support :)

asampler said...

I think we share the same voice! I understood just where you were coming from. Well done.

K.D. Storm said...

You did a great job and by leaving out specfic details you get the reader really wondering.

Sif said...

Oh, the tiredness of fighting it, I felt that! The enormity of the struggle, I felt that! This is a piece I could easily relate to. Honest and raw!

Andy @ Words and Pen said...

Among other posts on this week's prompt, yours is the one I can relate myself with. SELF is indeed the worst enemy of humankind, something you described very well in here. Keep winning Sheri.



Jodie Ansted said...

I think you did a great job sharing this.

I think it's okay to be wary of people until you know them better. Trust is partly a knowing of the truth inside you, and partly a gamble, you know? Cos you will never know...

Wonderful, hon. xx

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks guys, this was a bit of a scary one to put out there but thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate it :)

Janelle said...

Sorry, commenting a bit late from WoW this week! I loved your description of the voice, and especially the admittance that sometimes you don't notice it creeping up and all of a sudden it has you.

Daniel Meyer said...

Sheri, I'm just now making my rounds through last weeks work. I've taken on a lot of writing tasks and am swamped lol. This piece was extraordinary. Your ability to blend the good and evil together was exquisite. Keep fighting this. I constantly have to fight off depression fighting off my disease, but staying positive, regardless the situation is always the best route. I look forward to more of your work!

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