21 September, 2011

WoW - Neighbourhood

This week's exercise is to notice the people around you, in your neighbourhood, someone you've never actually met before and create a story around them. Describe them, their surroundings and create a conflict for them whether it is resolved or not.

Write On Wednesdays

I actually wrote a version of this story/idea way back in my uni days for a creative writing course. I don't still have the original version so I rewrote it using the same idea and I'm quite sure that this piece is far better. Although I do remember my professor telling me after he read this piece that I write about people really well and I actually tend to agree. I enjoy writing about people and thinking up stories about their lives just from seeing how they look or what they do. Sometimes my boyfriend and I watch tv with the sound off and make up what the people are saying haha

For the second time that day he watched her cinnamon spice curls bounce along with the rhythm of the bus. He didn’t know why their bus schedules matched, she wasn’t in any of his classes, but over the course of the last semester he had been keeping his eye out for her on campus too. He took in her profile, her fine features and porcelain skin, in the reflection of the window, afraid if he looked any closer she might catch him staring.

He wished he had the courage to speak to her. She seemed friendly, giving him a little smile if their eyes ever met. Did she recognise him, realise they caught the same bus at the same time together every day? He knew he’d missed his chance the other day when they just so happened to catch the elevator together. He should have said something, even just a ‘hello’ or ‘how’s the weather’. Anything that could possibly have put him on her radar.

But he didn’t. He just stood there looking at the ground, stealing glances from the corner of his eye, trying to tell if she seemed at all interested. He’d been kicking himself ever since. One day…one day he’ll pluck up the courage to talk to her, maybe sit next to her, maybe carry her books. He sighed, watching her get out at her stop, those enchanting cinnamon spice curls bouncing into the distance down the footpath.

I first got the idea for this when I was catching the bus to uni. There was this guy who used to catch the same bus as me at the same times everyday even though he was never in any of my classes and I never really saw him around campus. I had no romantic interest in him and I doubt he did me either but one morning I was bored on the bus and had this sort of out of body experience and I began making up this kind of story in my head.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

15 comments (+add yours?)

Tony said...

You have a brilliant talent for putting people in a situation, I actually felt uncomfortable when he was in the elevator. You have picked a subject that I think every body can relate to and would have an experience about.
It is a funny situation how you can have a virtual relationship with people that you just "see" every day.
I always try and imagine, or make up what they would do on Christmas day for some reason!

Once again Sheri, thoroughly enjoyable reading :)

Daniel Meyer said...

Haha I love it! A great story about being shy (something I'm from from being lol) Very well written. I'm sort of in and out for the next few weeks between retiring and moving. Keep up the great work!

Car said...

A moment in time, I wonder if he will always have that "what if" hanging over him. you have written a really beautiful piece! I want cinnamon spice curls ;)

Melissa said...

I had similar experiences when I was at uni. Well written. I can just imagine the guy, awkward in the elevator.

Domesblissity said...

That was a great story Sheri. I loved the term "cinnamon curls". Reminds me of Neil Young's song "Cinnamon Girl". Really sweet. You do have a way with words, describing people. This was great.

Anne xx

Sheri Bomb said...

Tony, I love that! I love Christmas so I love that idea!

Thanks Dan, goodluck with the move and hope you're feeling well :)

Thanks Car, I don't actually know where the cinnamon curls came from they just fell out of my brain but I'm glad they did :)

Thanks Melissa and Anne, I think this one was easily relatable :)

Sarah said...

How much do I want cinnamon spice curls!!! The thought of them 'falling out of your brain' made me smile :)

I think most people can relate to this. I used to be totally obsessed with a boy years older than me at school. I don't think I ever registered on his radar either but I spent about 2 years dreaming about him.

It would be nice if you continued this story and he got the girl.

Sheri Bomb said...

Yep I think we've all been there Sarah :)

I'm surprised by how everyone has taken to the cinnamon spice curls. I wrote that before I even thought of it, it just came out and I even surprised myself. But I was also quite pleased with myself because I really liked the description and visual so thank you brain!

Anonymous said...

I love your turn of phrase, particularly 'cinnamon spice curls'. Great job. Love the way you've taken a simple people watching experience and it's evolved into an endearing little story.
Nice to meet you Sheri Bomb. :)

Lene said...

This is such a lovely, enchanting story and so well written. Beautifully done!

Jay said...

I hope he gets the nerve to speak to her one day! Lovely little story, Sheri.

Kerry said...

Cute story! I'd love to see what happens next, and if he musters up enough courage to speak to her at all. You definitely have a knack for people writing. Great job.

Andy said...

Oh I so love the way you write Sheri! You're one of the best writers in WoW. That's is why I really acknowledge the constructive criticism you made on my post last week.

Like you, I also love writing about other people's stories (if only I could express it as good as you - in English)hehe! Your combination of words are really stunning!

If only I could understand German words, I am sure this would sound a lot better. Google translator could have missed some details. But with regard to the flow of the story, it's very interesting! The man must have love the place so much he can't live it. There were indeed people like that. They believe that "they were born there, they'll die there". Nice job!

By the way, I am not a native English speaker as well, but I am trying to write in English-trying hard actually.hehe..



Hadge said...

A familiar dilemma (being a bloke who has been in that situation when younger). I kind of liked 'cinnamon spice curls' but I would have liked them to be bouncing against her neck or shoulders maybe (small point). I'm not to sure about 'porcelain skin' though - bit of a cliche. The tension in the lift is good but 'stealing glances' is also a bit of a cliche, you could increase the embarrassment and tension by describing this differently, maybe he could be trying to watch her in the mirror or something? Just a few thoughts - don' mind me ;0)

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed :)

Andy thank you! That is a massive compliment and I can't imagine how difficult it must be trying to translate and understand everything but you do such a great job :)

Hadge, thanks for the feedback - some valid points. Truth be told the whole story is a bit cliche, boy sees girl, boy yearns for girl, girl remains oblivious but I guess it's such a common feeling and experience that people can easily relate to. It's also lots of fun to watch from the sidelines ;) thanks for reading

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