07 September, 2011

WoW - A Great One Liner

This week's Write on Wednesday exercise is a super challenging one! Come up with one single line, a solitary sentence, to describe a part of your day. It can be 'real life' or fiction but you have you have to make every word count.




Write On Wednesdays


Sheesh! This is a tough one for me! You've all seen how long my posts can be - I'm not the most concise girl when I get into my creative writing. But, that's the point of a challenge I guess!

I've gone with a little from column A and a little from column B with the real live v. fiction aspect of the exercise. Getting the sentence the way that I wanted it took a little tweaking but as soon as I read the exercise this week, I knew exactly what my sentence would be about. Coming from a place I was at just a few days ago.

-----
As I wake up next to you I watch the crease of your forehead as you grimace, hiding my tears from you as my heart breaks.
-----

As you may or may not guess, this is about watching someone you love or care about go through pain. It could be anything from physical pain to mental pain, an illness, someone else who is causing them pain.

Whatever it may be, I was trying to capture the feeling of helplessness of not being able to ease their pain and feeling heartbroken as you watch them struggle but trying to stay strong for them.

This was a great challenge! Quite a tough one but such a worthwhile one, sometimes it's easy to lose the meaning of a sentence by over-complicating it and getting in the way of your reader's imagination.

There was so much I could have added to this, the way the sunlight fell through the cracks in the blinds, the salty taste of sweat on his neck as she kissed her way down his back...but one sentence it had to be, and so it was.

17 comments (+add yours?)

Sif said...

The sentence you submitted was great, but I can't help but think a slight rewording of the last sentence of this blog would have been brilliant! Something like:

"The sunlight fell through the cracks in the blinds and she tasted his salty sweat as she kissed her way down his back."

I love the way you describe things!

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Sif, I did have this initially but decided it was too much like part of the 'story' and therefore cheating so I tried to make it sound casual - BUSTED! haha

Melissa said...

Great sentence and explanation. I hope you continue the story. My reading was her heart was breaking as she was going to leave, or something like that... will be interesting to see where you take the story.

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Melissa, not quite where my mind was heading but I guess that's the best thing about such little information, you can make it what you want in your own head :)

Sandra said...

This was something really great. I liked the way you've captured the emotions of a person when in distress. Well done!

Melinda Chapman said...

Your submission is very concise, and yet powerful. I felt empathy for the character's predicament. For me it was about someone watching their partner fall out of love with them, but nothing is being confronted yet [similar to Melissa's interpretation]. Well done!

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Sandra and Melinda. I like the way this sentence as resonated with people in different ways :)

Jodie Ansted said...

I loved it. Could see it in a book. Great stuff. :) x

Sheri Bomb said...

Wow Jodie, thanks so much!

Daniel Meyer said...

Sheri! This almost brought tears to my eyes. This line I feel is exactly how my wife feels when looking over at me. Very near and dear to my heart..

Sheri Bomb said...

I imagine it resonated with you Dan, but it's also something I'm experiencing at the moment. Watching someone I care about very much go through something pretty tough right now and it's hard to watch and know that there's nothing I can do. It hurts.

Daniel Meyer said...

Stay strong Sheri. Everything happens for a reason and we have to look at the positive side to it. I have turned my horrible illness into a positive and I have faith you can do the same. We still need to collaborate! I'm writing for a lot of different places now, its crazy. I never thought people would ask me to write for them...

Sheri Bomb said...

Thanks Dan, I guess my problem is I'm a do'er and I find it so hard to just sit there and watch and not be able to do anything. But I guess staying strong and being there for them is what I can do :)

Of course they would, you're a great writer! We definately still need to collaborate, just let me know when you catch your breath and we can sort it out :)

Naomi said...

I love your on line. Heart breaking...

InkPaperPen said...

This week was tough, wasn't it?! But so worthwhile. I am really pleased that Karen suggested it. I have been doing a One A Day journal ever since, like she also suggested.

I really liked your line, it made me feel quite sad and I could picture the situation clearly. I agree with Jodi, it could be a line from a book.

Keep writing!

Gill x

Daniel Meyer said...

Versatile Blogger Award - You've Been Nominated! http://danielmeyerblog.com/versatile-blogger-award

V. Furnas said...

Oh my...that almost made me cry. It brought back a similar scene for me. Thank you for sharing.

Post a Comment

♥ Leave me some love ♥