02 July, 2013

So You're Probably Wondering What Happened To Me

I don’t know about you but things have been feeling a bit dreary around here lately. The blog feels a bit like it’s gone into hibernation for the winter. My posts have become far less regular and I haven’t really had much to say. I feel a little bit bad about that, but only a little. For once I gave myself permission to just be. No pressure, no guilt, no expectations to fulfil. Things have been busy with work and I wasn’t going to push myself. In saying that, I also didn’t feel like I had much to say.

I haven’t been feeling the greatest lately. I think it’s a combination of the holiday comedown and the fact that I have put on some weight. My confidence had also dropped quite a bit. So to be honest, I haven’t been in the mindframe to write anything decent or to create outfit posts. I wasn’t exactly proud to show myself off. And I wasn’t just going to post crap for the sake of it. So I stuck to sharing about my US trip, mostly because it made me feel happy and I know a lot of people wanted to know all about it.

But I’m sure there’s only so much USA adventures you can take. No doubt you’re all getting a bit bored and to be honest, I miss using this place to bring myself and those of you who read some joy. It’s funny you know, I had been feeling so unmotivated and crappy for weeks and then out of nowhere I got this surge of motivation and confidence back. I wondered what did the trick. It was a combination of remembering good qualities from the past, realising I’d lost them along the way. And a dress. A dress has also helped.

You see, GreazeFest is just 4 weeks away and I’ve been planning my outfits. I want to look good. Not just good, HOT. SMOKIN! So I splurged a little a bought myself an amazing dress. I can’t wait to wear it. It’s not some super expensive vintage piece or anything like that. But it’s a brand I’ve been lusting after for a while and surprisingly had never bought from yet. And the style and fabric and overall look of the whole dress just really appeals to me. So I got the dress and decided I need to do it justice.

I’m sick of feeling bad about myself. I really am my own worst enemy. I was reminded the other day what first got The Man’s attention about me. What a lot of people used to say to me. What no one says to me anymore. What I don’t even say to myself anymore. My confidence. The way I held myself. Head high, strutting in, owning the room (or at least feeling like I was), without seeming conceited. I used to get told this a lot by men and women. I loved it. But most importantly, I felt it.

Somehow I lost that along the way. I used to tell myself how great I looked. Could feel the eyes on me and enjoy it, without playing up to it. Somewhere I stopped complimenting myself, pumping myself up. Waited for other people to do it for me. Avoided the eyes, pretended not to notice or looked the other way. Why? I’m not completely sure. I think perhaps in my journey to ‘grow up’ and lose some of the negative aspects of my personality and behaviour I also lost some of the good ones, or mistook them as bad.

But I realise now how much I miss them. How much I need them. How much I deserve them. You absolutely cannot rely on other people to make you feel good. Sure compliments from other people are a bonus, but you have to have confidence all on your own. Ever since I realised all this, it’s like something clicked in my brain. It’s like I’m back to the old me. Telling myself good things. And it has spurred me on to take better care of myself and try and lose the weight I’ve put on. I’ve been eating well, have just got back into exercising and will be starting Lite’n Easy this week.

For once I’m not putting a lot of pressure on myself, but at the same time I have no excuses and no other thoughts about what ifs and doubts. There is no question in my mind. I. am. doing. this. My dress has arrived and although it’s a little firm at the moment, I know it’s going to fit like a glove come GreazeFest and I absolutely cannot wait to strut my stuff. I’ve totally got my mojo back and I’m really talking up my outfit for the Saturday night at GreazeFest to everyone. I’ll be wearing THE dress. It’s funny, I’m probably talking it up so much that on the night people will be like ‘really? THAT’S it? Um…ok’ haha But you know what? I don’t care because I will be feeling like a million bucks!

My confidence is back. My power is back. My motivation is back. My blog is back! Thanks for sticking with me, sorry if I’ve let you down the last few weeks but I absolutely cannot wait to start sharing with you again! Finishing off with my USA snaps (almost done I promise!) and feedback on how the Lite’n Easy goes, as I know some people are interested. This is my first time on anything like this so I’m really interested to see how it goes and excited about what results I might achieve!

In the meantime, I’ll be thinking about other outfits I can rock at GreazeFest! Hope I see you there!

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