30 December, 2014

2015: The Year Of The ?

Well it's almost that time again. Time to bid farewell to another year. Can you believe it's already here again? The time just seems to be flying by! 2014 has been a pretty fantastic year for me. Not only did I return to the US for Tiki Oasis and a month-long holiday, I also managed to visit Japan for a week and attend the Mooneyes Christmas Party. A lot of other great things have happened this year too. I've found a great place to live, a nice house with lovely people and I'm really happy there. We even have a dog! I'm still loving my job and in the last half of the year my responsibilities have really stepped up, keeping things interesting and giving me new things to aim for. My family are doing great things in their lives - travel, renovations, personal and work achievements. I can see a lot of my friends achieving, or working towards achieving, big things and it's making them happy. There is a lot of good to see in this year.
There have been a few not so great things personally as well as in terms of world events, but that is always inevitable. What's important about these situations is how we deal with them and the way we do or don't let them affect us. I must admit, for the last few weeks, I've felt a rock on my chest. A pervading sadness that I can't explain yet can't seem to shake, that creeps its way into the quiet moments and makes me question myself, my decisions and even those close to me at times. It's just that little voice in my head, being a bit of a meanie. But only if I let it. And I have been trying very hard not to let it. Thankfully, I'm winning. Mostly. For me it is a fight very much worth fighting. Because when I feel like this, I am not me. I am a naturally happy, positive, upbeat, bubbly, funny kind of person who easily finds the joy in the little things. I'm easy going, don't stress the small stuff and am generally just happy to go with the flow.
Lately, I haven't felt like many of those things at all. But I've got my butt-kicking boots on and I'm not letting it take over. Sure that little voice takes its pot shots, and occasionally I can feel myself actually starting to listen to it. But never for long. I crank up the volume on my constructive thoughts, try to be more realistic of my expectations of myself and others and combat it with more positive thoughts. I'm sure it won't last long. It never does. I'm not sure if it's just this time of year, or if it's post-holiday blues compounded by two or hormones or, heck the hole in the ozone layer. I can't really explain it. But imma keep on keeping on and look to the New Year for a breath of fresh air. It's the first year in a little while where I have no big plans. No big trip in the works, no grand schemes - it's a blank canvas really.
I'm actually quite looking forward to that. Sometimes I think I can get so caught up in what is going to be that I am not truly valuing what currently is. I get so caught up in travel plans and social commitments that I'm not really noticing myself, my own health and wellbeing. Life in the fast lane can be fun, but it also gets very tiring and it's important to me that I don't lose sight of what's important. So this year is MY year. Not to take over the world. To simply reclaim my life. To make more purposeful choices, to truly re-connect with friends and family, to focus on looking after my physical, emotional and mental wellbeing. To truly learn to say no and not feel bad about it. To opt for quality rather than quantity. To take deep breaths. To spend more time alone, rather than trying to fill the gaps in my days, my weeks, with distractions.
I have no idea what 2015 has in store for me, but whatever it may be, I'm going to be at my optimum so I can tackle it head on and make the most of it. Because if there's one thing this year has taught me, it's that life is too short to neglect yourself, your relationships or your aspirations.
Don't wait. The time is now.

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